The other day I witnessed a conversation between several men. One of them, a twenty-something-year-old, was bragging about his advances with women. He said that he studied how to attract them like one studies a craft, and discovered that his girlfriends would tolerate lots of things, including cheating. The young man stated with conviction that there is no use to get married as most people get divorced, that he's not planning to have kids any time soon, and that there are lots of women in this world to pick from.
He's not the only one who thinks that. I've heard these statements too many times and not just from men. Maybe you'll ask, what's wrong with this? We're all here to have fun, aren't we? Why commit to one person? Why bother getting tied up? People can just go separate ways if things don't work out and find somebody else down the road.
Allow me, please, to share a piece of my journey. Maybe I could show you a better way to live and to love.
I've noticed that too often we settle for things that are inferior to what we're capable of, what we deserve, what we were created for. Over time it starts to feel like a norm. But what if there is an alternate reality? What if we just need to step outside of our matrix?
Often we weave our existence out of the threads
of past experiences that formed us. I want to
speak to your heart and ask a personal question - how was your home life growing up?
Were you excited to spend time with your family?
Did you feel cared for and accepted for who you are?
Did you feel safe?
If your trust was broken, your needs not met, your affection rejected, did you close your heart and made a pact with yourself to never let anyone else hurt you again? Are you now creating a world around you that reflects your hidden wounds? You've tried and failed to glue the pieces back together, then decided not to bother. Better set the bar low, then go through another disappointment. But there is a different way. You don't have to be defined by what happened before.
Often we think that if we hide our pain, it won't interfered with our lives. But if the cut is not properly cared for, it can get infected. The doctor might need to open it again and then let it heal properly. Would you be willing to reach out to someone to help you do that? God himself was wound for you, because he didn't want you to suffer.
You deserve to be loved and to love completely. What does that mean? Do you trust the person you're in the relationship with? Or did you share your body but not your heart? Would he or she stand by you if the road gets tough? If you get sick? Have a life-altering event? Is this person going to be your steadfast support? Do you trust them with your dreams, thoughts, insecurities? Could you bare your soul and know that they will be gentle with it and will open up in return?
This kind of relationship is for fairy tales, you say. But then you meet people who'd been together for fifty years and are still smiling at each other. You meet people that have tears in their eyes every time they remember their partner who's gone from this world. A life of mutual tender care and respect was theirs for the taking. How did they accomplish this? Was it luck?
My husband and I have been together for over a decade. We met in our twenties and survived our early thirties. It wasn't all sunshine and roses. In fact, there were not many flowers involved at all if I think of it. We had our share of misunderstandings, mistakes, tensions, but also growth. And we are growing in the right direction - closer together through the years. But had to find courage to speak the truth, to open up about our flaws, to be vulnerable.
Love is not just a feeling. It's not just butterflies in the stomach when that one special person smiles at you. He or she might be playing a game, like the young man I mentioned in the beginning. But in reality he's the one who's on the loosing end, missing out on a meaningful connection.
It's not love when one only wants to take and not give in return. It's not love when you're not willing to make a promise that you'll stick around through good and bad. It's not love when you give to others what belongs to one, spreading yourself thin. It's not love - it's us trying to fill the void that could never be filled.
We live in a fractured generation that can only offer broken pieces of their hearts, lives in a shallow, and bleeds behind a filtered smile. It's time to go deep and to heal. It's time to say "no" to one-sided, selfish, I-am-here-only-until relationships. But that would mean you'll have to start with yourself - loving your own soul back into wholeness.
Are you willing to look inside? To break the cycle? It might not be easy, but it will be worth it.
First thing anyone can do is to learn how to love themselves. Do you know your own value and worth? No other person can complete you. They can only complement you and support you. Respecting yourself comes before expecting respect from others. When you're full to the brim, then you can give of yourself without feeling like a piece of you is torn away. You'd share out of abundance of your own heart.
Do you know how to receive love? If the vessel is broken, it will leak out no matter how much is poured into it. Let God and other people you trust help you to mend it.
I hope this got you thinking, got you craving for something more, for something more meaningful and more beautiful. Something you dreamed of but then settled for reality. No, let's dream again. I would encourage you to write down what you're looking for in a relationship. It is a two way street, but you can start repairing your side of the road. For more support, contact Aurora Worldwide and start your journey to healing.